The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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