Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
