Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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