Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
