Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
