i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
