let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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