So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
