I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
