Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
