Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
