WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Vodka?
Forever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
