Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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