At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
