I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
im on a boat
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