You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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