So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
