Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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