i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can you bring me the toilet please
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
