if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
