Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
