Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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