Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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