just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I skipped work to stalk him.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
