Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
