I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
