yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
