the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
