White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
