Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
