is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
