Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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