1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
