I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
