The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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