Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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