Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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