Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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