I showed him my bush... on skype.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize