JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
