Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
