you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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