Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
