I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
