i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
