No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
