I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
