Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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