It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't turn off my feet"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
