I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
