I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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