I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
