I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i believe in u and ur pee
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
