The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
