i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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