Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I love you.
Bad choice
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