Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
