quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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