too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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