It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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