I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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