Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
