ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm too high and old for this...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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