Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize