Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
