just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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