I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
