We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
