Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
