my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
