I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
God, I missed his penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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