Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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