he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
