I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
