I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
