I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
