Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
