Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
